Mel 1, Gators 0

Unscathed by alligators and South Florida cultural weirdness, I continue to press on in the Everglades. It isn’t easy selling this veritable mud hole to school children, but someone’s gotta do it, and until April, that someone is me.
The birds are really starting to come in here, and I saw roseate spoonbills for the first time ever. They look like flying Pepto-Bismol – they’re such a bright pink. The wood storks have also been hanging around, and for any Everglades buffs, the wood stork is one of our species of major concern. Turns out – when we take their habitat away, well that seems to have a negative effect on their populations. Go figure. The other thing we tend to run into as a general problem with selling the Everglades to South Floridians is that most of them are more concerned with how to get off the Dolphin Express alive during rush hour than what’s going on with the Everglades. And really, who can blame them? I-95 and its off-shoots are a sure fire way to ruin a day.
But, onto the niceties of the Panhandle. I’ve been able to get out canoeing on a couple of occasions, although many of the park’s good canoe trails are still closed due to the one-two punch from Katrina and Wilma. In addition, January tends to be one of the coldest months in Florida with lows in the forties and highs in the sixties, and winds out of the east, and to a very mediocre canoeist such as myself, that seems to be a hindrance. I don’t know – just don’t like the thought of getting dumped in shark or gator infested waters. I know, I know, you’re a big sissy Mel. Well, sue me; they have bigger teeth than I do.
There was a moment of excitement when I thought Lindsay Lohan was going to come to the Everglades as part of her treatment for “allergies” over new years, but alas she did not show. Other celebrities who live in or around the Everglades include Dave Barry, Shaquille O’Neal, and Ricky Freakin’ Martin! Needless to say, I don’t see much of them, but there are these three gators on the anhinga trail, and I named them Ricky, Shaq, and Gloria (don’t forget the Estafan machine!). Coming from the Northwest, South Florida is a bit of a culture shock. You don’t have any of the general niceness that you get in the northwest, and people use their car horns so frequently, I’ve started to be able to decipher what different honks mean at different times. There’s the “It’s green, you moron, I’ve been waiting 1/16 of a second, now go!” honk, then there’s the “I can’t believe you slowed and stopped on a yellow light you loser!” honk, then finally there’s the “Hey pretty lady walking on the street, look at my sweet Hyundai!” honk. So much to learn and so little time.
There is talk of doing a little international travel while I’m here. You can get super cheap flights to the Bahamas and Jamaica. Not sure what to do if I get there, but I’ve got a current passport, and soon, the money will be rolling in once I start harvesting my cash crop of ghost orchids out of the cypress swamps. Susan Orlean eat your heart out!
Until the next installment, I wish you all health and happy days in the new year – oh yeah, and I’m up to running three miles a day if anyone is keeping track. Boo-yeah!