Funny things about 7 year olds

So there are a ton of silly things that first graders do that would never happen in adults. For instance, they all want to hold your hand, regardless if they are scared, happy, secure, or have to pee. In addition, they will give you unprovoked hugs to express their "Like" for you. When putting on their snow shoes, they find it totally normal to fart, sneeze, and cough in your face, and when you react to this they fall down laughing at your disgust.
You know how you have to raise your hand to get a question answered? Well, first graders apparently have the shortest of all short term memories, I mean these kids can rival the best of all pot smokers. So when they raise their hands - I'm not even kidding about this - like eighty percent of them forget what they were going to say. It goes like this,"Girls and boys, can you tell me an example of an animal that hibernates?" Thirty hands emphatically go up, so I call on one.
"Yes, Susie, what is an animal that hibernates?"
"Umm.......(long pause with lots of deep breathes, followed by giggling), I forgot!"
*On a special note, there are several animals that hibernate other than bears. There is also an on-going argument of whether bears are true hibernators or not. Torpor, or hibernation, you be the judge.
Oh, and let me tell you something else. If food falls on the floor, it is totally fair game. There's no five second rule, no consideration for the condition of the ground surface, no accounting for whose hand it fell from. Nothing. This is why I never eat food offered to me by a first grader. God only knows where it's been.
Ok, so I like to think of the funniest thing a kid said during the week. And this week's goes like this:
Child: I'm psychic.
Mel: Oh really.
Child: Yep, I can tell you how old you are without asking. (Note: Another thing children do that adults wouldn't: ask a woman her age)
The child puts two fingers to each temple and rubs them as if he is trying to center on his third. Then, he opens his eyes and says: 37!
Mel: What?!!!! Do I really look like I'm 37? I mean, I know I have the gray hairs and stuff, but really kid, do I look 37?
Child: (Laughing) How old are you really?
Mel: 23!
Child: Oh! Then I bet I know how old Ranger Debby is.
Mel: How old do you think Ranger Debby is?
Child: (same temple rubbing motions) 24!
Mel: (to myself) you little shit.
Child: What?
Mel: Nothing. So I look 37 and Ranger Debby looks 24?
Child: (laughing) No, you both look the same.
Mel: Whatever.
So ladies and gentlemen, they may look sweet and innocent, but under their sticky and grimy exteriors, lie insults just waiting to be had!
No, but they're lovable in their own ways. Just like many of you. HA!